your room smells of hookers.
And success
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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