Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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