meet me or not, i'm out of control
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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