I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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