noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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