He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
