so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
