i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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