Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
