Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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