can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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