Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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