I'm going to jail i love you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
