The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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