Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
