He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize