Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize