where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
40s are totally the cure
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
