Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize