fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently the secret to your success is patron
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
