a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
