Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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