it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Welp...herpes.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
