Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
