I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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