UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
