That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
