I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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