Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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