I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
