in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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