Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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