We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize