I just cut my nipple shaving
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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