I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
