I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
