If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
