yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
