tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
