I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I want is dick and wine.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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