It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
