Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize