she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
