Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
