I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
