There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
