Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
