you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize