Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
