check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
