dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
