i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
