3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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