Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
