what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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