A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
