Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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