I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We're too hungover to prance.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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