Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
