We won't sleep together?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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