There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
