He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize