so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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