I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
