It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
