You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
