Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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