apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
