At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize