I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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