i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
