You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
