Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
