ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
