drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
