I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
