fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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