his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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