she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
