I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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