GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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