If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
