I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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