I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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