thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
