There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
