Umm I'm too high to move.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
