Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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