Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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