Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
