we have pet lesbian snakes
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
