this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
