How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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