End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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