i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I intend to get homeless drunk
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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