Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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