Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize