whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
