wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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